I asked a young married China couple the above question. The young husband replied that it is an old custom still practiced today. Normally, The bride's parents will ask the future son-in-law to give a dowry of between 10,000 to 100,000 yuan. The young wife said that the dowry does not mean the parents are selling their daughter. It is a sign of respect for the bride's parents, and it also helps them financially if they are poor. She said that she would not ask for a dowry from her future son-in-law, if she was rich, but her daughter isn't born yet !! The young China man added that if no dowry is asked, the bride's parents may ask the future son-in-law to buy his bride an apartment or house instead. Do you prefer to believe what a young China couple said about the dowry, or do you prefer to believe what one foreign writer said about there being no such thing as a dowry in China ? Yours sincerely, Teo.
Copenhagen / Shenzhen, China
09 May, 2010 05:41:43
Bob, you are right about the dowry. I have the same feeling, but in the future you will face many things you think is wrong. You will have to compromise again and again if you are starting a Chinese family. Dowry is a tradition and Chinese culture. When you refuse to pay, then they do not believe you love their daughter enough. I know it is not true, but I have to recommend you: Just pay and live happily with your girlfriend/wife. She has nothing to do with it, all she hope is that you and her parents can find together and be family too. Just like in Europe 2-300 years ago. Here there was a dowry too...
10 May, 2010 19:20:42
I payed no dowry, but my mother-in-law get all our wedding gifts the day after our wedding. I have no clue how much it was, but I guess around 5000 RMB. A dowry have never been mentioned, but it was expected that I gived my mother and father-in-law an red envelope when I first met them. I gave them 2000 RMB each the first time, and have continued to give them the same amount every time I ahve been to China(5 times now), and they are very pleased and grateful about it.
The tradition to buy an appartment I have never heard about, but my wife already owned one, so why by another one? :-) After all, it will just be a home for our holidays in China. And maybe a home when/if we decide to move there in some years...
11 May, 2010 10:01:56
I asked a valid question and it generated a few replies. I thank all writers for their different views and readers for just reading.
I apologise for not using the correct term in my question, which is BRIDE PRICE. According to WIKIPEDIA, the custom of BRIDE PRICE is still practiced in Asia today, INCLUDING CHINA. Those readers who are not convinced can check it personally at the WIKIPEDIA website.
I have no choice but to criticise one particular writer, Joe from the U.K., for writing nonsense here. Besides flattering one other writer, he contributed nothing positive except several spelling errors and taunting me like a fat school bully in a class for small boys.
How can he gain respect from other readers if he behaves like a fat school bully in a kids class, in an adult website here ?
This Joe could not even spell HUBEI correctly. He claims I have never contributed any stories about dating China ladies. He obviously has not read most of the other forums here.
This Joe only mentioned he dated two China ladies without any details at all. How can any reader believe him when he could not spell HUBEI correctly or give any details about anything ?
The bottomline is: most of the readers here are well educated and they can tell when a person is writing nonsense after a few sentences or paragraphs. Some obvious signs are spelling errors and lack of details or justification.
Yes, I am average in education and knowledge about China topics. At least I am humble to admit the above. I do not claim to be an English teacher in China, yet make frequent spelling and grammatical errors here, which students would also make. Where is the credibility ?
I am unlike one writer, who seemed to be an expert on China topics, but claims that the BRIDE PRICE is no longer practiced in China. Even if his particular bride or best friend's bride did not ask for a BRIDE PRICE, it does not mean it is no longer practiced in China.
Different ladies' parents will ask the future son-in-law for different amounts or different things. It could be replaced by a smaller red packet, other gifts, jewellery, or even helping to buy an apartment for the bride, or paying the marriage fee.
Those who are only interested in making personal attacks here are just showing all the readers here how bored and inferior they feel inside. They imagine a false sense of victory or superiority by judging others, making false accusations and writing nonsense.
10 Jun, 2010 11:14:53
Legend in your own mind. LMFAO
san francisco, United States
11 Jun, 2010 01:40:33
An issue you have raised are interesting, nonetheless, this forum is to give additional insights to those that ask. Simply, answer or don't....
You can look at it another way. Go to the mainland and steal a lady away from another foreigner interested in a same girl. Then, brag to your heart content.... Many foreigners are writing to same lady. My lady received so many to a point of disgust,,, lots of promise but few foreigner will deliver,,, very few China lady can get the China exit visa by herself to visit foreign country, but for you you don't need a visa to visit China for 15 days!
Sumter, United States
11 Jun, 2010 13:57:24
nanamio , Canada
Posted: 09 May, 2010 01:55:10 # 10
i was asked to pay between 60,000 and 80,000 or around $13,000 US for a dowry. The parents have two houses and are not poor. This is expected for there future son to pay they have three daughters and the other two are married and they received the money. I have said no i will not pay to get married and if forced i will move on. I see in this writing chinese people believe it is a custom and men for the west believe differently. My reason not to pay is simple i will always have it in my mind i purchase my wife and if you can not see your doing the same look again. There is many poor people both in the U.S. and Canada should they sell there daughters for homes and asked for money for raising them is this not the same.
Bob you're a smart man.
12 Jun, 2010 07:44:43
when i travelled to visit the lady i wrote to, to my surpise when i arrived she asked for 60 000rmb for her parents and to pay for the wedding, 30 000rmb which was contrary to all the letters we wrote.
needless to say we met the next day at the agency and i told her there was no way i would give total strangers 60 000rmb. or spend 30 000on our wedding. I could have given in and not wanted to waste the 5 months we wrote or the cost of the trip but like what others have said i would have spent the rest of our lives filled with resentment so i said goodbye
fortunately the agency felt bad and let me meet many other ladies, one of which i have married, She did not expect me to give her family any money and the wedding cost just 2000rmb. She is a dream come true
Southend-on-Sea, United Kingdom
15 Jun, 2010 22:40:34
What do you think about it? ..... I'll tell you what i think about it....
You must be out of your mind, if your actually going to fork out that kind of money as a dowry, let alone the rest of these so-called requests. That goes for your Aussie friend too!!! For someone that should know China better than most here, (from what you tell us in other threads) It's obvious your not talking to the right people for advise. Doing business in China, you should know full well that where money is concerned, " Everything " in China is negotiable!!!
Don't be so bloody niaeve, i don't care how much you earn, your being taken for a right royal ride.
What your being asked for here, even fairly well off Chinese families would balk at. There taking advantage of you, and if your lady is agreeing with all this, i'd be taking a long cool look at what she is marrying you for? It Just maybe, ...be not what you were hoping she's marrying you for!!!!
Sounds to me as you have a rural Chinese Princess there, and your going to provide her with the Palace, but Mum & Dad wants a palace too... hahaha!!!
Swansea, United Kingdom
10 Sep, 2010 13:04:38
The information contained within the posts on this subject vary widely in their advice, it is anyone's perogative to have their viewpoint. Anyway to the point, I will be marrying a Chinese girl very soon, the bride price that she has suggested was £2500/25,000 yuan or about $4400. While this seems like a reasonable amount at first glance and asking, it is a great deal of money in anyone's eyes.
I work hard and keep a house myself, I provide every month for my fiancee £400, this does not allow me to save very much at all, especially when I have to also budget in the cost of travel back and forth to China, several times a year, it will be my forth trip this year alone.
My own house comes first, and I will ensure that when my bride comes to my country she will actually still have somewhere to live. I dont want the bride price to turn into a cattle auction with negotiation over how much will be acceptable, but surely even 10,000 yuan is a generous amount.
Any suggestions ?
Southend-on-Sea, United Kingdom
13 Sep, 2010 16:21:47
Have you explained this to your Lady, the way you have explained it here???
Personally, i have had no dealings with bride money, it's something that never came up in our relationship, as indeed you will also find with many other guys here too.
If she has been previously married, then it is totally unreasonable to expect you to pay again. Trouble is Martin, your dealing with a totally different culture to our own. Some families still try for this Bride money, while most now, are happy to see there daughter happy and getting married to a good man... Many bridegrooms now just hand the parents a token gift of something like 888 or 8888RMB( Chinese lucky figure's ) so yes, ...10,000RMB is a generous amount!! Also, it's worth mentioning that more often than not, that this money is returned to you both, one way or another...
This is going to be one of those times where you are going to have discuss, and maybe even negotiate with your lady. emphasising that your future home together must come first, and that leaves your frequent visits to China to be with her. ...Is she prepared to have those visits by yourself cut in half or more??
By the way, congratulations on finding your future wife, It doesn't sound as if you jumped straight in with both feet, you've taken your time, and visited often. ....That's really good to hear for a change on here!!